Art House for Our House: ...oh, and don't forget the greatest Christmas movie ever made

Calibrating the Golden Sheep

5 sheep - Outstanding, a new or old favorite. I have a lot of these because I like watching and reviewing great movies.

4 sheep - Perfectly good, enjoyable. Maybe in a genre I don't particularly like or understand or just for some reason didn't merit five.

3 sheep - No regrets, maybe very interesting or controversial or not fatally flawed or in a difficult genre that earns an E for Effort. Or just more fun than not.

2 sheep - Not good, regrets for my time. Maybe a disappointment of high hopes or overrated by John Q. Public and poindexter critics, or an insulting or sophomoric message.

1 sheep - Anger. Misery. Not just bad but willfully so. Slapdash, soulless, joyless, mortifying - I don't do these willingly because they reflect bad judgment in my choices.

Zero sheep - I wouldn't review it because I'm embarrassed. "Battle in Heaven" explodes to mind. I have not seen any of the "Human Centipede" franchise.

I tend to grade on a curve for comedies with a narrower standard deviation (more ones and fives) because good comedy is hard and perhaps more in the eye of the beholder, and because bad comedy is just awful.

I tend to grade on a curve for horror/monster/sci-fi because of relief when they're not awful. I do the same for animation because it is such a lovely tool for satire and moral instruction.

Finally I grade dramas in the sternest manner because dramas by definition take themselves too seriously and can manage to be both dull and insulting at their worst.

Monday, December 24, 2012

...oh, and don't forget the greatest Christmas movie ever made

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